


The Exquisite Corpse will Drink the New Wine

by EndoratheWitch



Series: Gotham Holidays [14]
Category: Batman - All Media Types, Batman: The Animated Series, Harley Quinn (Comics), The Joker - Fandom
Genre: April Fools' Day, Bombs, F/M, Joker and Harley in a nonabusive relationship, Pranks and Practical Jokes, Riddles, Syntactic Structures, joker gas, sex of course because me...
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-04
Updated: 2019-04-04
Packaged: 2020-01-04 17:11:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,957
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18348071
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EndoratheWitch/pseuds/EndoratheWitch
Summary: It's April 1st again.





	The Exquisite Corpse will Drink the New Wine

Harley hummed a happy tune while she brushed her hair, sitting at her little vanity. She was in a good mood because her puddin was also in a good mood. She wasn’t exactly sure what he had planned for tonight, but it was April Fools day and he was excited; that was all she needed to know. (Plus, she had made him swear he was not going to play any pranks on her or she was going to kill him.) 

She smiled at herself as she brushed and pulled her hair into a high ponytail leaving delicate blonde wisps loose to hang around her face. She applied her make-up with practiced care, a smooth canvas of clown white on her fair skin, followed by applying her black mask. She then applied the matte black lipstick, followed by a wide, amused smile. The lipstick made her teeth look extra white, her smile bright. 

Harley turned one way, then the other admiring herself for a moment. She looked nice if she did say so herself. She hopped up and grabbed her harlequin costume, slipping into the body hugging outfit when she heard Joker yell from downstairs. 

“HARLEY!!! HURRY UP!!” 

Harley grinned and pulled the zipper up the front of her outfit. “Hold your horses puddin!!” 

Joker whined. “Harley, come on!!! Batman and Riddler have to have gotten their clues by now!! We need to get to murdering, pumpkin or it’s not going to be any fun!” 

Harley came rushing down the stairs to see Joker dressed in a black three-piece suit adorned with dark purple stripes, a black dress shirt, and a matching dark purple tie, waiting for her. Harley noted that even his shoes were black and purple oxfords, his fedora rested at a jaunty angle on his green-haired head as he paced back and forth. Harley stopped to gaze at him with a mixture of lust and love. 

“Oh puddin, you look so handsome!” 

Joker turned at the sound of her voice and beamed up at her, his broad smile just for her. He reached up to take his hat off and gave her a little bow. “Oh course I do sweets.” 

Harley chuckled and made her way down the last few stairs. Behind Joker, standing close to the door leading outside was Frost, dressed in his regular black suit and red tie, looking every inch the bodyguard while next to him, in complete contrast stood Bob, wearing several shades of green, from a tight body suit of bright green that encased his large belly and muscled arms, down to the tutu he wore. The dominant color of the entire outfit seemed to be a shade of lime green. Bob’s tutu today was made with several ruffles of tulle laying down in three layers for a fluffy skirt. Bob waved at Harley with a toothy grin. 

Harley waved back. “Hey Bob, you look nice and green tonight.” 

Bob nodded his thanks and twirled around. Harley giggled. “You look adorable!” 

Joker glanced over at Bob. “I’m just happy he chose a different shade of green instead of what Riddler usually wears or I might get upset.” 

Bob simply grinned in response. 

Joker shook his head and turned his attention back to Harley. He smiled, watching Harley as she approached him, his eyes following her every move and admiring the way the bodysuit hugged her figure, the way it pulled a little across her breasts and hips and that zipper that ran down the front...Joker tugged his bottom lip with his teeth, gazing at her with a lustful expression that Harley could not miss. Later he told himself, later, he would pull that suit off of her with delight. 

Harley grinned at him, aware of how Joker was watching her. 

She smiled. “Puddin, I thought we weren’t killing anyone tonight? You know, as part of the April Fools joke?” 

Joker shrugged. “Well you never know pumpkin. People have a tendency to get in my way or annoy me. It’s not really my fault if they end up dead.” 

Harley giggled taking the last few steps down to the ground floor, her hand held out for him. Joker took her hand and pulled her into his arms. He kissed her, turning her around in a slow, simple dance. They spun around and Joker slipped one arm around her waist while he took her other hand in his and turned them both from a slow spin into a waltz. Harley giggled again, pleased to be in her puddin’s arms. Joker always had elegant form when they danced, which often made her wonder if in his unknowable past he had been a dancer. 

Bob clapped his hands with a smile watching them while Frost smiled, taking a step back to be out of their way. 

Joker spun Harley out, holding onto her hand. His gloved fingers kept a firm hold on her hand before he brought her back into his arms, waltzing them with grace through the room. 

Harley enjoyed the impromptu dance, but she crooked an eyebrow at him along with a broad smile. “I thought we were in a hurry puddin?” 

Joker smiled spinning her out and then pulled her back again against him. “Well my dear, there is always time for a dance. Besides, I’m sure we have enough time; Batman and Riddler are probably drawing up all sorts of charts and diagrams trying to figure out what my clues mean.” He giggled. “But of course, the clues mean nothing. It’s such a delicious April Fools joke…” 

Harley’s brow furrowed. “Tell me again why you sent one to Riddler? I thought you hated him?” 

Joker laughed. “Hate him? Nah, he is just too much fun to annoy. Almost as much fun as Batsy, when I think about it. And he thinks he is going to go legit, helping the police, maybe helping Batman. I mean really, this new little interest of his irritates me. Besides sweets, we always prank Eddie on April Fools day--it’s like a tradition.” 

He held her close, one arm wrapped around her waist in a tight grip, while his other hand reached up to cup the back of her head. He gave her a deep kiss at the same time he dipped her back. 

Harley smiled against his lips, her hands holding tight to his shoulders before he brought her back up to her feet. 

“Okay--now let’s go!” Joker grabbed her hand. Harley giggled and grabbed her teddy bear backpack that sat by the stairs as Joker yanked her past and dragged her to the door. 

He yelled as they exited out the door. “Frost!! Make sure the rest of the kiddies are armed and ready!! It’s time for some April Fools to perform some foolishness!” 

* 

In the Batcave, Batman was fully clad for a night on the rooftops of Gotham. He frowned rubbing his, broad cleft chin. The handwritten note, the clue that Joker had sent him, was displayed on the screen overhead. Batman had performed the usual examination, fingerprints (the Joker had none) handwriting analysis, chemical examination (to make sure it was not laced with Joker venom or anything else unpleasant), everything he could think of, but he had learned nothing. He stared hard at Joker’s note, which had been written in Joker’s elegant penmanship in glittering purple ink. Even enlarged a hundred times, the clue meant nothing to him. 

“Colorless green ideas sleep furiously.” Batman said the sentence out loud for perhaps the fiftieth time. 

Alfred was standing behind Batman holding a tray of tea things. “That is a very odd sentence, even for the Joker sir.” 

Batman nodded. “It’s a clue, but I can’t make heads or tails of it. It sounds familiar, as if I should know what it means, but…” He shook his head. “It’s nonsense. Grammatically it’s a correctly written sentence that means nothing at all.” 

“All you know is that he will be committing a crime tonight,” Alfred said softly. 

Batman nodded in response, his eyes never leaving the words on the screen. “Yes, it’s April first. There is no way that crazed maniac and his girlfriend could resist doing something this evening.” 

He glared at the note. “Maybe it's a riddle...but Joker hates riddle…” 

Alfred nodded before he turned to leave the cave. “Perhaps it would be best for you to simply be out there tonight. The fresh Gotham air might help you figure out the clue Master Bruce.” 

Batman frowned, worrying at his bottom lip, his eyes narrowed at the note. “Maybe you’re right Alfred.” 

Alfred smiled and headed out of the cave with the confidence that Batman would figure out the clue soon. 

* 

Across town, hidden in the back of a small abandoned game store, the type that had once sold board games, Edward Nygma sat behind an old desk and glared at the card in his hand. It was a handwritten note from the Joker. All the note had read was: “Colorless Green ideas sleep furiously.” Nygma was sure it was a riddle, something that if asked, he would have said that the Joker would never understand, as riddles were only for those with a more refined mind. That clown was about as refined as a sledgehammer, just like his jokes, stupid and heavy-handed. Eddie turned the card one way, then the other. He had made sure it was safe before he opened it (one could never trust the Joker and especially today of all days.) Eddie had been the victim of Joker and his girlfriend Harley’s practical jokes before, and he didn't intent to be the victim of this year's prank, whatever it was… 

Eddie brushed the note across his desk. “You know what? I’m not going to engage. That’s it, I am not going to engage with that stupid clown.” 

He glared at the note, the riddle--the puzzle--eating at him. He hated being bested by that clown, hated it with every fiber of his being. He ground his teeth, muttering in a low tone to himself. 

“Refuse to engage Eddie, refuse to engage…” 

He groaned. He just couldn’t let it go!! He had not yet figured this riddle out and the thought that Joker might have bested him grated at him. He was smarter than Joker; he was the smartest man in Gotham (Batman aside, who cheated with computers.) There was no clue, no riddle that The Riddler couldn’t solve! 

Nygma drummed his finger on the desk and glared at the note. After a few tense minutes of glaring, nothing came to him and Eddie stood with a snarl. “Stupid clown.” 

He picked the note up, shoved it into his pocket, and grabbed his green bowler hat. Maybe he would get lucky and the riddle’s solution would come to him, or maybe he would simply run across whatever it was the Joker was planning. Gotham was a big city, but for some reason the criminal masterminds of the city always managed to find one another, even when they weren’t looking. 

* 

Gotham had nearly twenty thousand water towers throughout the city providing drinking water to many of Gotham’s city dwellers. The water for Gotham was fed from gravity reservoirs upstate, but that water only ran as high as the sixth floor in buildings. For taller structures, that was where the water towers came in, providing water pressure for the remaining upper floors of many buildings throughout the city, though this was not counting the regular water provided by the city. 

Joker kicked open the door to the roof with a mischievous giggle before he hopped out, yanking Harley with him. The water tower that dominated the middle of the roof was fairly large. Joker smiled, almost breathless as he looked at it. “Ah, if only we had time to do some painting sweets, we could really decorate that blank canvas there.” 

Harley stood next to him, also gazing up. “Mm...it definitely needs a smile painted on it, something happy and cheerful.” 

Joker shrugged. “Well next time. Okay, let's get up that ladder and dump this little treasure inside.” Joker pulled a canister off his belt that had been hooked on the belt at his waist. The silver canister had a bright red smile painted on it along with several “Ha! Ha!” across it’s silver surface. He shook it with a wide grin, the contents inside sloshing back and forth. “A little April Fools surprise!” 

Harley giggled as she glanced over the rooftops. She could see movement on top of the building to their right--which should be Bob--the building to their left was Frost and if the rest of the team was performing properly, there should have been one of Joker’s men on each of the roofs for the next several blocks, all with a canister like the one Joker held. 

Joker tossed Harley the container with a grin. “Ready my dear?” 

Harley snatched the canister out of the air with a deft hand while at the same time hurrying over to the water tower. “On it Mistah J!” 

Joker watched with appreciation as his girl hurried up the ladder. She soon found an opening in the roof of the tower as the water tower, like most of them in Gotham, wasn’t maintained or kept up to city code standards. Once she was at the top, Harley unscrewed the top of the canister and poured the contents into the potable water below. The bright green liquid glowed in the dim light cast by the ambient light surrounding them. 

Harley twisted the lid back on and hurried down the ladder into her Joker’s waiting arms. She giggled, wrapping her arms around his shoulders as the same time he pulled her against him holding her snug against him as Harley squealed with pleasure. “All done puddin!” 

Joker smiled and rubbed his nose against hers. “You did such a good job my sweets. We should hear some screams in the next half hour, my delicious pumpkin, as the residents discover their water has been Joker enhanced! This is going to be so funny!!” He kissed her, holding her tight, his smile never waning until he suddenly pulled back. Harley pouted in response. “Especially when they realized I only turned it green, nothing else, but until then the entire block will be terrified!” He laughed hard enough to tilt his head back before Joker stopped midlaugh and gasped. “OH! I almost forgot!” 

“Forgot what?” Harley asked with a frown. “I thought…” 

Joker twisted Harley around putting her back to him and unzipped her teddy bear backpack while Harley looked over her shoulder to see what he was doing. Inside her backpack were several canisters of purple spray paint, along with a couple of special green ones laced with his special toxin that would be triggered by touch, harmless, but the Gotham crime lab wouldn’t know that. “Now, to leave our next clue.” Joker chuckled, pulling out some of the cans and handing a couple over her shoulder to Harley. 

Ladders ran up both sides of the water tower, the one that Harley had used earlier and another on the opposite side, leading to the narrow walkway that went around the circumference of the tower. Together, each holding a couple of cans of spray paint, Joker and Harley climbed up the ladders and with one writing along one side, and the other meeting them in the middle, the two of them wrote out the non-clue in large purple and green letters. 

Joker laughed, grabbed the sides of the ladder, and holding his legs out, let himself slide down the ladder. At the last second, he dropped off to land on his feet. He backpedaled several steps to inspect the writing on the water tower. Harley hurried over to join him, Joker putting his arm around her waist as the two of them looked up. 

The letters were large, easily seen reading across the side of the water tower: “The vertebral silence indisposes the licit sail.” 

Joker beamed. “It looks perfect sweets.” 

Harley glanced sideways at him. “Does it mean anything?” she asked. 

Joker continued to grin. “Nope, not a thing.” He gave her a loud kiss on her cheek, grinning when he left a perfect red lip print on her white makeup. “ Now! For our next little joke!” 

* 

Batman stood on the edge of a building looking out over the Gotham rooftops, Joker’s clue still rattling around in his head, and clenched his jaw. Usually the unstable criminals of Gotham gave him easy clues. (He corrected himself, easy for him, but not for the layperson and never--it seemed--for the Gotham PD.) Some part of these psychotic criminals wanted to have Batman find them, which he always did, especially the Joker. The Joker revealed in their encounters over the years, their matching intellect. Joker’s clues--when he felt the need to send one--were always difficult, but not so hard that Batman couldn’t have them solved within minutes. Except this time, this time Batman was stumped. What was worse was that he felt as if he had heard the sentence that Joker used before, but he simply couldn’t recall where. Batman had made no progress figuring out what the clue meant and he still had no idea. And that threatened to push his annoyance into outright anger. He thought briefly of going to see Edward Nygma, The Riddler. He knew where the man was currently holed up; in an old abandoned game store, trying to go legitimate. Riddler had decided to try his hand at being a private eye, of hiring himself out to the GCPD or private citizens. Batman knew that little scheme wasn’t going well for the ex-con, ex-patient. He wasn’t sure how he felt about Nygma’s venture. He didn’t think Riddler had it in him to go straight, that the lure of the big score, the chance to test his intellect against Batman would get the better of him eventually, but he hoped Nygma would succeed and prove him wrong. Of course, there was also the added element of Nygma’s friends such as Joker and Harley Quinn. Those two would drag him back in, if nothing else did. Batman frowned. He heard a light beep, indicating was something was going on over the police radio. 

He hit a small device in his cowl that connected him to the Gotham police radio. 

“...any car in the area of Old Gotham. We have several reports of tainted water in the building, green water, Joker green water, and someone has painted something on one of the water towers. I need a unit to head over to Irving street...wait...I have reports of similar water contamination on Green and Hamilton streets...and another report on Snyder. Wait...and some others coming in from Capullo Avenue.” 

Batman muttered, “Damn it,” before he leapt off the building, grabbing his grappling hook off his hip in the same motion and shot it out. The thick, reinforced nylon cord allowed him to swing easily to the next building as he made his way to the old section of Gotham City. 

* 

Riddler sat in his car, an old beat up looking green Dodge Charger from the 1970’s, a car he had managed to keep through the years. It had proven difficult, but he still had the car. He was leaning forward with his arm draped over the top of the steering wheel as he adjusted the knobs on his police scanner until he heard a female voice calling for police to report to Irving Street, green water. Riddler smirked. The clown had struck. Riddler sat back and turned the key, time to show Gordon that Edward Nygma, ex-super criminal, could be a valuable asset. 

* 

Riddler arrived at the building (beating Batman by a good fifteen minutes only because Batman had stopped on the way to stop a mugger). He parked his car behind the police cruiser, hurrying to get out. Gordon wasn’t there, but he saw the police, a tawny skinned man and another with shockingly white blonde hair, talking to a woman in her bathrobe. There were several people on the steps to the building and they all looked anxious. An ambulance was parked along the curve where the paramedics were taking care of an older man who was laughing incessantly, but otherwise was...still alive. Riddler narrowed his eyes in thought. Joker’s toxin usually worked fairly quickly, Eddie thought. The fact that the man was still alive right now was unusual. 

Ridder straightened his tie and headed over, his hand out. “Edward Nygma, solver of riddles, fixer of problems and Prince of Puzzlers at your service.” 

The two cops frowned, sharing a look before heading over to stand in front of Eddie. “Nygma, didn’t you just get released from Arkham, like what a couple of weeks ago?” 

Nygma smiled, but dropped his hand when they didn’t take it, and removed his hat, which he tucked under his arm. “I did indeed my good sirs and I am turning over a new leaf. So with that idea in mind, I am here to offer my help. The Joker has left you a new riddle?” 

One of the cops nodded. “Yeah, he turned the water green too. That guy over there apparently went to check the water tank and touched the message Joker left. Someone else in the building found him when they went to check out the green water. Kind of strange he isn’t dead yet.” The officer rubbed his chin before he continued. “We’re waiting on the lab to get here and take a sample of the water and the spray paint, though no one has died from the contaminated water.” 

“Yet,” his partner added in a hushed tone as he looked down at his latex gloved hands. 

The cop frowned looking over at the group of residents out on the sidewalk in front of the building. “One of them claims to have drank some, but they seem fine.” The officer called out. “Hey, you guys--anyone die yet?” 

A young woman with pink hair yelled back. “No, the water is just green and it smells like cotton candy.” 

An old man muttered. “Which is an improvement considering the rest of the time it smells like shit.” 

The residents all nodded in agreement. 

One of the two officers rubbed the back of his neck. “I suppose we could let Nygma up to see the water tower, ain’t gonna hurt anything.” 

The other officer shook his head. “You go ahead, I’m already in enough trouble with Gordon.” 

The blonde cop snorted before he motioned at Eddie. “Come on, I’ll show you the riddle.” 

* 

The two of them ended up taking the stairs to the roof, the building’s sole elevator was ‘out of service’ with a sign taped to the sliding door that looked to have been there a long time. By the time the two of them reached the top, Edward was gasping for breath. The headed over to the door to the roof, the cop smirking as Eddie wheezed. 

“It’s right through here…” The officer pointed to the door, which was partly wedged open with a sliver of lumber, his fingers poised to push it open. 

Eddie, one hand pressed against his chest, held up his other hand. “Wait here, I need silence to study the clue.” 

The cop frowned running his teeth over his bottom lip before he shrugged. “Just don’t touch anything--you touch something and contaminate the evidence, you’ll be hauled to jail, got it?” 

Edward nodded. “Got it.” 

The police officer stepped out of the way giving Eddie a sarcastic bow. Eddie ignored him and pushed the door open. 

“Well, I’ll leave ya to it--remember, don’t touch anything.” The cop giggled to himself as he made his way down the stairs. “Vigilantes and criminals, criminals becoming private dicks, oh man.” 

Eddie muttered walking out onto the roof, “God damn clowns.” 

“I might agree with that sentiment,” said a deep voice close to the private detective. 

Riddler yelled, jumping nearly a foot in the air. He grabbed his chest. 

“Damn it man!” Eddie snarled, jumping back against the wall by the door. Eddie glared at Batman who was perched on the edge of the buildings roof. 

“What are you doing here?” Eddie asked petulantly. “Keeping tabs on me?” 

Batman shrugged. “I’m always keeping tabs on you Edward, waiting for the moment you slip back into your old ways.” (The comment earned Batman a disgusted look from Nygma.) “But no, I’m not following you. The Joker sent me a message earlier this evening, I’m here for the second.” 

Eddie walked over closer to the vigilante, glancing from Batman before he looked around, his eyes landing on the spray painted water tower. “He sent me one too.” 

Batman frowned. “He sent you one?” 

Riddler nodded, resisted the temptation to say, “Did I stutter?”, and pulled out the note from his jacket pocket. Batman didn’t need to examine it to see that it was the same green paper that 

Joker had sent him. Batman frowned and muttered. 

“I hate April Fools day.” 

Eddie shrugged. “Think this is some elaborate joke?” 

“Yes.” Batman growled the word, anger making his voice rough. 

Eddie pointed at the water tower. “So what’s your take on that one?” 

Batman narrowed his eyes, examining again the spray painted message. “The vertebral silence indisposes the licit sail.” 

Riddler frowned. “It’s grammatically correct like the last one, ‘colorless green ideas sleep furiously.’ But otherwise it is nonsense.” 

Batman nodded. “Yes, not sure if the green water has anything to do with colorless green ideas...it’s a weak link if any...this one…” 

Edward opened his mouth to reply when Batman frowned, tilting his head as if he were listening to something coming from far away and was trying to figure out what exactly it was that he was hearing. 

Batman suddenly looked at Edward. “There’s another attack happening at the aerial trams!” 

* 

The aerial trams were fairly new to Gotham, having only been in service for the last eighteen years taking Gothamites from Gotham university to Gotham’s busy waterfront district. Except this evening, one of the trams was suspended over the water, unable to move one way or the other. 

Inside, the occupants were doing their best not to panic as Joker’s voice, accompanied by Harley Quinn’s giggling in the background, sounded over speaker system of the tram. 

“My dear citizens of Gotham, there is no need to be alarmed…” 

Harley Quinn’s voice piped in. “Yes there is puddin! Aren’t you planning on killing them?” 

Inside the tram car the occupants began to panic; someone screamed and several people had begun to cry. 

Joker laughed. “Well, maybe sweets, it all depends on them. Now, my dear citizens…” 

On several large billboards, the sort that often advertised sporting events or concerts in Gotham by showing what looked like televised images on large digital billboards, Joker was televising the interior of the aerial tram car, allowing everyone to share in the joke. (Riddler was driving down the street, his eyes drawn to one of the digital billboards. He found he wasn’t really concerned about Joker’s hostages, so much as he was annoyed that he couldn’t figure out the connection between the clue Joker had left and whatever the hell he was doing with the tram. Batman was in his own car, speeding through Gotham, his eyes on the road and his mind on stopping that psychotic clown.) 

“Now, here is a list of my demands that must be carried out by you, my dear aerial passengers. If you fail to do...or provide me and Harley, with any of the things on this list, well, I’m afraid I’ll simply have to kill you all. But look at it this way, you’ll save a LOT of money on not having to worry about Christmas this year, many of you will not subject the rest of us to your need to walk around without a shirt this summer, or forcing us to see some of you squeezed into a bathing suit. No one will have to see your ugly feet in flip flops making that awful smacking noise you make when you walk. You’ll die before you have to pay taxes!! Isn’t that great? And if your life insurance is paid up, won’t your families be so happy?” 

The occupants could hear Joker and Harley laughing together. Joker snickered. “Okay okay, now, I need one of you to produce of foosball table. Harley here is claiming she can beat me at foosball, which I say is a blatant lie.” 

Harley squeaked. “It is not puddin!! I’m a great foosball player!” 

Joker chuckled. “We shall see. Okay, next I want someone to dress up like Liberace, and not just a tuxedo, we want one of his sparkling outfits, and play the Beer Barrel Polka on the piano because my dear Bob loves Liberace, don’t you Bob dear?” 

The hostages all looked at one another in confusion. A large man yelled out. “What the fuck?!” 

Joker laughed and continued. (Either the communication was only one way or Joker didn’t care enough to converse with his hostages.) “And lastly, Harley and I are just famished, so we want two Wagyu beef hamburgers with black truffles along with slabs of foie gras between two brioche truffle buns. Now...you all have fifteen seconds to fulfill our demands or I’m simply going to have to fill the compartment with gas and kill you all.” 

People began to scream, someone started yelling. “This isn’t fair!!” 

Joker’s voice came back again. “While we are waiting, Batman, Riddler, I know you two are watching this...I mean, I made sure you could see it all after all...here is your next and final clue…Quadruplicity drinks procrastination. Oh and by the way, to my hostages...April Fools!!” 

The tram began to flood with a dark green gas. The passengers continued to scream as the gas filled the space in the span of less than thirty seconds until it was difficult to see them in the cloud of thick green gas. Their screams were televised, along with the video so that all of Gotham could watch the people inside begin to laugh, their faces stretching, theirs eyes bulging… 

* 

Batman had gotten to the top of one of the buildings near the tram, but he wasn’t close enough--there was no way he could get close enough to save the people trapped inside. He was near one of the billboards and was forced to watch as Joker gassed the tram, killing everyone inside. Batman cursed, his hands balled into fists. 

* 

Riddler had stopped across from one of the billboards and was standing outside his car, one hand on the hood while watching the tragedy unfold. Not that the deaths of those people really bothered him, he realized. What bothered him was that he couldn’t figure out these fucking riddles that Joker was using! They made no sense, even though they sounded vaguely familiar and structurally they were solid sentences, not that that little aspect made much difference to the overall fact that he couldn’t figure them out!! 

He slipped back behind the wheel of his car, muttering to himself. “Quadruplicity drinks procrastination. What does that even mean?!!!” He shouted into the interior of his car, annoyed that the clown was getting the best of him. He smacked the steering wheel in frustration muttering. “God I HATE clowns!!” 

* 

Joker, sitting in a wheeled computer chair, chuckled looking at the video feed on Frost’s laptop. He couldn’t hear the people in the tram, but just watching them was hilarious as they screamed noiselessly and clawed at the glass windows, or tried to open the door, some who might be pondering whether the drop into the water below would kill them or not. 

Joker cheered at the screen on the computer clapping his hands as he chanted. “Jump, jump!!” 

Harley leaned over his shoulder, wrapping her arms around him, and watching the chaos on the computer screen. “So what did you use again puddin?” 

Joker smiled, leaning back in her embrace. Harley kissed the top of his head, then began to nibble at his ear while Joker giggled with delight. “Nitrous, I simply mixed it with some of my nonlethal laughing gas. It’ll knock them out while giving them a real punch of a laugh, but that’s it.” He giggled. “They might vomit...Oh look! There she blows!!” 

One of the trapped people who was laughing so much they looked as if they were in pain, blasted projectile vomit across the tram car. 

Joker wheezed with laughter as that started a chain reaction. “They’ll be so confused when they wake up alive! But isn’t it fun to watch them face their deaths? Look at that, not one of them is going into that dark night with dignity.” He chuckled while Harley giggled against his ear, her tongue tracing the sensitive skin and making him with shiver with pleasure. “Ah...Oh Harley, Harley!! LOOK! Someone jumped!” Joker pointed at the screen with excitement. 

Harley laughed. “Oops!” 

Joker smiled leaning back into Harley again. “Ah...well, he is certainly dead. Won’t he be disappointed when he finds out he would have lived if he hadn’t jumped! Hehehe…” Joker stood up, careful not to knock Harley away when he stood as the rest of the trams occupants began to fall to the tram’s floor like flies as the gas overcame them. 

Joker turned and grabbed Harley causing her to squeak as he pulled her close against him, his hands taking up waltzing positions and began to dance with her around the room. Frost and Bob were still watching the tram video while the Boss and Harley proceeded to waltz. 

They moved around an apartment with elegant, expensive furnishings where they were hiding at the moment. The apartment was once owned by a notorious business man known throughout Gotham for his taste in underage girls and acquiring property in Gotham at ridiculously low prices (after he had used threats and force to drive the owners to sell.) The man was now dead, propped up in a chair, a smile painted in bright red across his distorted face to match the clown makeup that had been painted on him, a lethal bit of makeup that Joker had made for Harley to play with; Joker’s toxin was mixed into the white and red face paint at a deadly level, which made the victim’s face distort. At the same time, it choked off the victim’s air and filled the lungs with blood while their throat sealed shut. The deadly makeup also forced facial muscles to contort into a twisted, deadly smile. Joker was quite pleased with the makeups results. 

Joker hummed and started singing as he danced Harley around the spacious apartment, his back slightly bowed as he held her, his fingers spread along her lower back. His other hand held her arm up, moving with her as if they were floating across the floor. 

Harley giggled gazing with pure love at him. “That was funny puddin. Batman will think they all died and he could do nothing to save them!” 

Joker laughed. “He’ll be so depressed and so angry…with all his great intellect, the greatest detective couldn't figure out my clues. Hahaha!!! It’s so funny!” 

Harley frowned, thoughtful as Joker spun her out from him, his hand still holding hers. “What about Eddie?” Harley asked. 

Joker chuckled. “Oh Eddie...he’ll be more upset he didn’t figure out the riddle. He is trying to go legit, but he really doesn’t care that much about other people. He’ll be fuming because I’m besting him...again…at something he thinks he is the best at...stupid riddles.” 

Harley giggled again while Joker, with a flair of elegance, led her in a circle around the room. Joker smiled as they passed Frost. “Did the children get the next gag set up yet?” Joker asked. 

Frost nodded. “They are ready when you are Boss.” 

Joker laughed. “Perfect.” 

He spun Harley in a slow gesture that spun her around so her back was to him, their arms crossed in front of her, and their hands lightly touching. She smiled over her shoulder at him as they stepped forward, then back in a slow, flowing rhythm. He smiled at her and sang, his voice soft while he gazed at her, their eyes locked. 

“We belong together 

We're happy together and life is a song 

When we are together we know we are where we belong 

We belong together like birds of a feather together we fly 

Little caring whether the rest of the world is alive…” 

He spun her out in another gentle spin, keeping a light hold of her hand, leading her back across his body to hold her out with his other hand. Harley stretched her arm out elegantly, smiling with happiness at him as he eased her back into his arms, her back once more against his chest, their arms crossed over her body as he held her in the circle of his arms. He spun her around to face him, Harley once more laying her hand on his shoulder, her other hand grasped in his delicately as he moved with grace across the room, continuing to sing to her. 

“All alone I'm only a half 

Like a joke without any laugh 

But when we are together 

We're happy together and life is a song 

When we are together we know we are where we belong.” 

Joker pulled her close, wrapping his arms around her and laid his forehead against hers with a gentle smile. Harley wrapped her arms around his shoulders, one hand sliding into his green hair while with her other hand, she caressed the back of his neck with her fingers, her forehead against his, her eyes smiling into his eyes. 

* 

Batman hurried to join the police as the tram car was brought down. A full minute after the gas was released into the tram car, it began to move again, finishing its journey to the waterfront. Batman was waiting when it arrived, the police hurrying to the tram just seconds after him, followed by several ambulances. A few moments after the police pulled up, Riddler arrived walking with careful steps toward Batman who was conversing with several of the officers. The ex-con stopped just beyond the ring of police cars, and leaned against a police cruiser. Batman looked over the heads of the officers, noticed Riddler, and frowned. He stepped away from the police, glancing once at the ambulances as the paramedics worked on the tram car passengers. 

It seemed that except for the man who had jumped from the tram car, the rest of the passengers had simply been knocked unconscious. 

Riddler frowned at Batman when the masked crusader stopped in front of him. 

Riddler narrowed his eyes. “So…” 

Batman glanced back at the tram car. “Appears that no one was actually harmed, the gas was nonlethal. From the smell, it was simply nitrus mixed with a version of Joker’s toxin.” 

Riddler twisted his lips. “Really?” 

Batman nodded. “Not sure what…” 

Riddler sighed. “I’m beginning to think there is no clue, that this is all some wild goose chase the Joker has us running. Some ridiculous April Fools prank” 

Batman muttered. “It doesn’t matter if it is, I can’t take the chance that he isn’t going to do something terrible. This is the Joker, Nygma--he is insane and dangerous…” 

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. I’m going to be pissed if this is some elaborate prank…” Riddler hissed before sighing. “So, this latest riddle, Quadruplicity drinks procrastination. What do you think he means?” 

Batman frowned in thought as he rubbed his exposed chin. “No idea. I still can’t see where the other two connected at all to the crimes he committed. I don’t think the clues and the crimes have anything in common.” 

Riddler sighed in relief. “Well I’m glad to know that it's not just…” 

“Batman!” 

Batman and Riddler turned their attention to a female police officer jogging toward them. “Batman, Gordon just radioed in. We have a bomb threat at the Gotham Percy Concert Hall. Gordon asked if you would go down there.” 

“Of course, Officer Fleming.” Batman took off without another word to Nygma. Eddie watched Batman disappear into the shadows with a glare and muttered. 

“Rude.” 

He turned and left, walking to his car and decided to head to the concert hall himself. The chances were this might have something to do with the Joker as well. Who was he kidding? It did, another pointless act to go along with his pointless riddle. 

“Stupid clown,” he muttered as he walked toward his car, annoyed with himself because he was still playing Joker’s game. 

* 

When Batman arrived at the concert hall, there were already several police cars, a bomb disposal unit, and two ambulances on the scene. As soon as Batman pulled up in the Batmobile, an officer hurried over. 

“Batman, we got the call several minutes ago and arrived to find that all the doors to the concert hall have been booby trapped. Each one has been chained closed with a bomb attached to them, and each one has a timer. We haven’t received any demands, but all the glass doors have “HaHa!” written on them.” Batman snarled. “Joker.” 

They both heard the sound of another car pulling in close behind the Batmobile. Batman turned to see Riddler getting out of an old, green Charger. Batman’s lip curled in annoyance, but he might as well use Nygma’s brilliant mind to help him with this, because there were hundreds of people trapped inside the concert hall. And while there were bombs on the doors, who knew how many bombs were on the inside. 

Batman stopped in front of Nygma. “You want to show you’ve turned a new leaf? Then help me with the bombs.” 

Riddler nodded. “Fine.” 

That was when one of the cops called out. “Batman, we found a walkie talkie with you and…” The man seemed to stumble. “The Riddler’s name on it?” 

Batman motioned at Nygma and the two men walked over to where a Gotham police officer was holding a purple, plastic walkie talkie. The man looked uncomfortable holding the walkie talkie. When the two men approached him, the officer shoved the walkie talkie toward them. “Here!” He shouted. 

As soon as Batman had taken the walkie, the cop practically ran out of the way. 

Batman glared at the walkie and pushed the button. “Batman.” 

There was some static for a moment before Joker’s voice could be heard over the walkie. “Batman!!! Helloooo!!” This was followed by Harley Quinn. “Hiya Batsy!!” The clowns laughed. “Okay Batsy, how are you liking my little game?” 

Batman pushed the button and responded. “Joker, what are you…” 

“Oh Batsy please, you know what I’m doing? Having fun!!! Hey, is Eddie with you? Hiya Eddie!!” Harley’s voice came over the walkie next. “Hi Eddie!! Having fun?” 

Riddler muttered. “I fucking hate that clown.” 

Batman smirked at Riddler. “What about Miss Quinn?” 

Edward shrugged. “Harley is...misguided.” 

A smile tugged at Batman’s lips; knew Edward had a soft spot for Harley. He even thought that if he could, Nygma would try to win Harley from Joker, except she was far too much in love with the clown to ever give Nygma the time of day. 

“All right Joker, what do you want?” Batman asked. 

“Oh what I want is to watch you two diffuse the little bombs Harley and I made together. Isn’t that just so romantic? They say the best way to strengthen your bonds as a couple is to do shared activities together, isn’t that right pumpkin?” 

Harley’s voice came over the walkie. “It sure is puddin.” 

This was followed by graphic sounds of kissing. 

Batman snarled. “Joker!” 

Joker sighed. “Geez Bats, can’t a guy neck with his girl? Anyway, you and your little boyfriend…” 

Riddler shouted. “I AM NOT BATMAN’S BOYFRIEND!” 

All the police and bomb unit people turned to stare at Batman and Riddler. 

Riddler glared at them. “I’m not...his boyfriend.” 

Riddler glanced over at Batman who was giving him a cold, silent stare. The shorter man muttered, “Sorry.” 

Joker giggled. “Okay boys, the timers are ticking away, chop chop! You have four minutes, if you wanna save a building full of stuffed shirts, you better get to it!” 

Batman snarled, turned, and rushed toward the building with Riddler trailing after him yelling. “How are we going to diffuse all these bombs in four minutes?!” 

Batman said, “I don’t know. I’m hoping he has them all connected, diffuse one...maybe...I have to try.” 

The two men stopped in front of the bombs that were attached to the main doors of the concert hall. On the other side they could see several patrons, all looking terrified, pressed against the glass door. 

Batman yelled and motioned at them. “Get back!” 

The hostages moved back several paces as Batman and Nygma both knelt down next to the bomb; several blocks of C4 taped against the door with a digital timer that had slowly begun to count off the seconds. There were wires running out of the C4 and connected it to another packet. They could see four attached to this door alone. 

The wires protruding from the timer were a riot of bright colors, all twisted into a confusing knot. Batman frowned as Riddler hissed. “This doesn’t make any sense…” 

Batman gently touched one of the wires, a purple one, his gloved finger tip just barely brushing over the colorful wire when the timer began racing, speeding up...Then the numbers changed to letters reading in bright red, APRIL FOOLS! 

Nygma jumped up. “SHIT!” 

Batman grabbed Nygma’s arm while the people on the inside screamed… 

The bomb, along with all the bombs inside and outside of the concert hall exploded in a burst of color. A riot of purples, reds, blacks, and greens burst in large popping explosions inside the hall, splashing colored paint everywhere, covering the screaming people inside in a chaotic wash of colors. The bombs that ran along the south side of the hall burst, followed a breath later by all the other bombs, exploding in a concert of pops and paint, spraying police, the bomb disposal unit, even going as far as to cover the fringes of people who had started to gather in order to watch the events unfolding, but no one received the full force of the paint bomb explosions more than Batman and Riddler. 

The two men stopped moving, Batman's costume covered in a kaleidoscope of colors, but the entire lower half of his face was dyed both purple and red, which dripped in slow drops from his square chin. 

Eddie was soaked in black and green, the color dipping off his face and covering every part of him. 

The walkie that Batman and Riddler had left by the building started to issue loud, hilarious laughter as both Joker and Harley sang out. 

“Aprils Fools!! 

Eddie hissed. “I hate clowns.” 

Batman sighed. “Me too.” 

* 

Joker dropped back on the bed, tossing the walkie talkie on the floor. “That was so fun!!!” 

Harley giggled as she stood up from the bed and walked over to pick up the walkie. She pulled the batteries out, tossing them onto her bedside table before she picked up her mallet which was propped in the corner and without a word began to smash the walkie to bits. 

Joker grinned while watching her, his eyes glued to her backside as the tight little outfit pulled against her body. He licked his lips, his pleasure at having bested both Batman and Riddler made him both relaxed and amorous. 

Once Harley was done, she turned to face Joker with a smile. “Now, I have one more April Fools treat for you puddin.” 

Joker smirked as he gazed at her. “Oh?” 

Harley placed her mallet back against the wall. “I do puddin.” 

He watched her as she walked over to her bedside table and pulled open a drawer. She turned around, holding two pairs of shiny silver handcuffs, dangling from her fingers. 

Joker lifted a green brow at her. “Handcuffs?” 

“Yep.” She slinked over, moving her hips in a deliberately sensual way, motioning at him to get further on the bed. He did, scooting back to rest his head against the pillows and watching Harley as she crawled onto the bed to straddle his lap. She took his arms, placing them over his head and to the side where she began to secure the handcuffs to each of his wrists, securing him to the bed, his arms spread out. 

Joker continued to smirk at her. “You know, handcuffs my sweetling, don’t really hold me...I can easily escape…” 

Harley giggled. “Oh, not these one...I had Bob make me a special pair that you can’t get out of.” 

Joker frowned. “What?” 

He yanked on the cuffs then began to twist around in earnest. “What!!” 

Harley laughed. “April Fools!” 

Harley continued to sit on him, letting him wiggle and struggle; his writhing body made her feel as if she was riding a bucking bronco. She giggled, watching his building frustration as the realization that Harley had a pair of handcuffs from which he couldn’t escape washed over him. She grinned at him when Joker finally stopped struggling and narrowed his eyes at her. “How do I get out?” 

Harley smiled looking serene. “You don’t--unless I let you out.” 

Joker batted his eyelashes. “Please let me out?” 

“Nope.” Harley giggled again, pleased with herself. She reached forward to grab his tie, working the knot loose. She pulled the tie out from around his collar, tossed it over her shoulder. “You will get out when I say puddin and not before…” 

Harley started to work the buttons of his shirt and vest free. Joker watched her with the hint of a smile dancing across his red lips. “What are you doing Harley?” 

Harley hummed to herself while she worked the shirt open and pulled it free from his pants. “I’m doing exactly what I want puddin…” She slid down from his hips to sit on his thighs and started to work at his pants. “And you really can do nothing about it, puddin.” 

She pulled his slacks open, sliding down more so she could pull them and his boxers down to his knees. When she had accomplished her task, she sat back on his knees, her eyes raking over him hungrily, his shirt and vest hanging open to reveal his flat, ghost white stomach and chest; the slender muscles under his pale skin made her want to drag her nails down his skin. Her gaze traveled down to his slender hips, his erection already responding to her, his excitement building. Harley licked her lips and slid down to place her hands on his hips, her rear in the air as she arched her body. She opened her mouth wide to lick him with the flat of her tongue, taking her time to drag her tongue over his semi-erect penis, her eyes on his face as she did. 

Joker arched up watching her, groaning when she made eye contact at the same time licking his erection. He watched as she wrapped her tongue around him, licking with the same curl and twist of her tongue that she would apply to a melting ice cream cone. Her tongue slid up and down, the tip of her tongue teasing the sweet spot under the head of his erection, before she wrapped her lips around him. He groaned aloud, watching while she took him into her mouth, and pressed her lips down on him. As her tongue gilded back and forth over him, Joker’s eyes rolled up with a giggle of pleasure. 

Harley made a gentle moan. She loved the way he felt in her mouth, the satin softness of his skin, the firm long width on him feeling her mouth. She took his erection deep into her mouth until he touched the back of her throat. She groaned with her mouth full of him, her fingers pressed hard into his pale skin, sucking hard on him before she pulled back. His hips lifted with her as she pulled back, leaving streaks of black lipstick on his soft skin. Harley wrapped one hand around him, biting with gentle nips at the head of his penis, pressing her teeth into the tender skin followed by her tongue lapping at the bead of cum that her tender attentions squeezed from him. 

Joker hissed in delight, dizzy while watching her, watching as she covered his erection in kisses and leaving behind black prints of her lips all while her eyes caught his, followed by a gorgeous smile. He hissed again, his hands balling into fists, and yanked against the cuffs. 

Harley rose up a little and began to kiss her way up his body, planting soft kisses against his testicles, in the soft crevice between his groin and thigh, making her way to his hips, laying a tender kiss on each hip bone, pressing her teeth against his stomach, dragging her tongue over his nipples until she was sitting on his chest. 

“Your turn puddin,” Harley purred. 

Joker grinned with excitement. “Oh?” 

Harley nodded and stood up over him. He watched with rapt attention while Harley pulled the zipper of her outfit down with agonizing care. Joker watched as her breasts seemed to burst from the confines of her costume, soft, pink, and her nipples hard, begging for his attention. He yanked against his cuffs, though his gaze never left her as she stepped to the side and began to slide her outfit down her legs, turning so her back was to him when she bent over and made the mattress sink, the bed to wobble. But his eyes were on the sight of her bent over, exposing herself as she undressed, his mouth watering with want. Joker licked his lips as she pulled her costume off and dropped it over the side of the bed, turning once more to him. 

“You ready puddin?” Harley teased, running her hands over her breasts and pinching her nipples. His erection jerked in response as he groaned as if he felt pain. “Harls...pumpkin…” 

Her hands snaked down from her breasts to between her legs. He watched, mesmerized while she slipped her fingers between her folds, touching herself for a few intense seconds. He pressed his teeth into his bottom lip, his body ached for her. 

“Harley...uh...you tease!” Joker pouted. 

Harley giggled, moving to straddle him again. “Silly,” she whispered, her voice husky with lust. She moved up his body, positioning herself on her knees over him. She gazed down her body at him, reaching down with both hands to slid her fingers into his hair, her fingertips running over his scalp. 

“Puddin…” She dragged on his pet name, curling it over her tongue like she was licking his erection again, her voice honeyed and soft while she played with his hair. 

She thrust her hips over him and he opened his mouth waiting with anticipation to taste her on his tongue. 

Harley reached up and placed her hands on wall behind their bed, adjusting her hips over him and Joker reached up with his dexterous, long tongue to flick the tip against her clitoris. Harley moaned, digging her fingers into the wall. Joker stretched up, pressing his mouth against her. He buried his face against her to allow her taste and scent to surround him. He closed his eyes giving himself over to pleasuring her with his lips and tongue. 

Harley rocked her pelvis back and forth in gentle movements, moaning, gasping, her hands pressed firmly against the wall. His tongue was so warm, slick with saliva and his lips were so tender, his caress sent shivers up her spine, liquid warmth spreading, tension building as the strokes of his tongue brought her closer and closer. 

Joker increased his attention as her breathing began more ragged. He grinned coating her with is saliva, tasting her, burying his mouth against her, and straining against the handcuffs. Harley’s gasps and moans became higher and higher pitched until she arched her back, using the wall to hold her up as she came with an burst of intense pleasure that washed over and through her. 

Joker moaned, tasting her orgasm, his chin and mouth slick with her. He opened his mouth wide, thrusting his tongue against her. 

Harley screamed out pleasure at her Joker’s touch until she almost couldn't stand it any longer and pushed herself off the wall. 

Joker grinned up at her when she looked down at him, his mouth and chin glistening in the light. He licked his lips, waggling his eyebrows at her. “Gonna let me go now?” 

Harley giggled, her body feeling loose and flush. “Nope, not yet.” 

She pushed herself down to his hips and turned her back to him. Joker bit his lip as he watched her, tensing as she gripped him and slid down on him. He hissed when Harley wrapped his erection with herself; the slick heat of her washed over him and caused him to shudder. “Uh...Harls…” 

Harley looked over her shoulder at him with a mischievous glint in her blue eyes and smiled, her white painted face smeared in places from her sucking on him, and her black lipstick smeared across her lips. He sucked on his bottom lip, furrowing his brows with the intensity of not just feeling himself inside her, but his feelings rose up hot, intense. He loved her so much, so much it hurt sometimes. He watched her, the way her ponytail bounced as she began to move, lifting her hips, squeezing him, his erection glistening with her as she moved. He groaned, tugging against his cuffs, wanting to touch her, wanting to squeeze her soft skin between his hands, but he was forced just to watch and feel, to watch his erection disappearing and reappearing inside her. Harley’s hips moved up and down with a delicious rhythm, her firm backside lovely, the smooth line of her back arching as her hands gripped his calves, her grip loosening and tightening as she fucked him. Harley groaned, loving the way he filled her, the way his erection plunged deep into her, setting off a cascade of pleasure that rippled and burst like fireworks through her body. She moaned in a husky tone, her physical pleasures wrapped tightly in her love for her clown.

She rolled her hips, thrusting, bouncing, feeling that delicious press as his erection pierced her, the intensity of pleasure mixing with the same intensity of her emotions. She loved him so much it hurt, physically hurt. She squeezed his calves hard, feeling the smooth cloth of his slacks under her hands. She grinned when his legs jerked, her eyes gazing at the shine on his shoes while she bounced her hips on him, sliding up and down, the sweet, wet sound of their bodies coming together made her gasp, but when Joker’s body tightened, struggling against his own orgasm, his hissing moan rolled through her and Harley gasped, a burst of blinding white rolled over her, her orgasm building and exploded; she cried out her pleasure. 

Joker moaned in pain from holding back, but wen Harley came again, harder, more intense this time, her warm wetness burst down on him and he whimpered. 

Harley pulled herself free and turned around, sliding back down on him within seconds, causing them both to gasp. Harley pressed her hands down on his chest, sliding and rolling her hips, grinding down on him. He yanked against his cuffs watching her with a desperate expression. 

“Harls...Harley please…” Joker groaned, begging. 

Harley was panting, sweating and causing the loose locks of hair around her face to stick to her, smearing her makeup. She reached up and fiddled with the handcuffs, though Joker was too focused on her breasts in his face, his mouth desperate to grasp her nipples with his lips that he didn’t pay attention to the fact that there were tiny buttons located on the sides of the cuffs that required Harley to push them in a certain order before the cuffs on only one hand snapped free. 

As soon as his hand came free, Joker grabbed for her and pulled her close. His mouth moved hungrily over her breasts and he pressed his teeth against her smooth, soft skin before sucking on her nipple. 

Harley cried out arching into his attentions, forgot all about freeing his other hand while she continued to grind against him. She whimpered and dropped down to her elbows to cover his mouth with hers, plunging her tongue into his mouth, tasting herself on his lips. 

Joker groaned in response, wrapping his one arm around her, holding onto her while she undulated her hips, thrusting forward and back, grinding, her heartbeat rising as heat rushed over and then Harley came with a cry and long shudder. She whimpered as her orgasm ripped through her, wrapping her arms tight around Joker, her mouth pressed against his so that her moans of pleasure were swallowed by him. 

Joker tensed, feeling her tighten around him, pulling his orgasm from him in a white hot burst of intensity that he was sure caused him to black out for a second. 

Harley rode him hard, their shared orgasms washing over them both until Harley collapsed, breathing hard against his chest. 

Joker sank into the bed, his one cuffed arm hanging loose over his head, his other arm wrapped around her, stroking her sweaty shoulder in slow, easy caresses. 

“Well, that was fun.” He giggled. “Joke’s on me, you did come up with handcuffs I can’t get out of.” 

Harley closed her eyes, snuggling against him, her passion cooling into a warm fuzziness. “Mm...yup.” 

Joker chuckled then whispered. “Okay, now my arm is going numb--can you get this other one off?” 

Harley giggled. “Maybe later.” 

“Harley…” Joker frowned down at her. 

“I think I’ll just leave you like this until I need you again. This way I always know where you are.” Harley purred. 

Joker frowned. “Harley, now…” 

Harley whispered kissing his chest. “April Fools.” 

Joker pouted. “Not funny.” 

Harley giggled. 

* 

The next evening Harley and Joker sat on their couch both wearing their pajamas, Harley dressed in a pair of short little blue boxers with stars on them and an overly large t-shirt of red with stars all over it in shiny yellow with a pair of fuzzy slippers on her feet. Her hair was down, and she was eating a bowl of ice cream. 

Joker sat next to her--both of them with a bright colored blanket over their laps with clowns all over its surface--wearing purple and green striped boxers and a blue t-shirt that read “I tried to be normal once, worst minute of my life” across his chest. He was also wearing a fuzzy pink bathrobe and slippers that matched Harley’s, eating his own bowl of ice cream while they watched the news report on their antics of last night. 

Joker ate a spoonful of ice cream before he groaned loudly. "Ugh!! I just thought of a clue I should have used!" 

Harley frowned tilting her head. "What's that puddin?" 

Joker giggled. "The exquisite corpse will drink the new wine!! Batman would have love that one because the word corpse was it in! It would have driven him batty!" Joker let out a full bodied laugh. 

Harley giggled. "Maybe next time puddin." 

Joker smiled. "True my sweet, true." 

“It is now known that the bombs at the Gotham Percy Concert Hall were in fact a hoax perpetrated by the Joker and his co-conspirator Harley Quinn, along with the colored water, which was also determined to be non-toxic,” (no mention was made of the laughing gas laced spray paint), “and the gas used at the aerial tram attack, also non-lethal, the only death being a man now identified as Thomas King, who jumped to his death from the tram. The bombs at the hall were, in fact, elaborate pranks that only produced paint spray which has now been determined to dye the skin semi-permanently, but otherwise has no other ill effects. All those affected at the concert hall will have dyed red, black, green, and purple skin for at least a month.” 

Joker burst out laughing. “Oh gosh...oh gosh…” Reality suddenly hit him. “We could find out who Batman is Harls! He’ll be dyed like everyone else!” 

Harley giggled. “Puddin...but so were a lot of people at the concert, we’ll never know which one he is…” 

Joker frowned then shrugged. “True….probably for the best, knowing who Batman is would be anticlimactic.” He grinned sideways at Harley. “Now, where were we...oh yes, I was discussing eating ice cream off your breasts…” 

Harley squealed, both ignoring the news in favor of Joker spreading ice cream on Harley. 

* 

“In other news, playboy billionaire Bruce Wayne issued a statement tonight that he will not attending this year's annual Wild Bird Fund Flock Party due to a severe case of the flu…” 

* 

Edward Nygma sat glaring at the news, wearing a pair of shiny green pajamas, his face dyed splotchy black and green. 

He growled to the empty room, glaring daggers at the television. “I hate clowns. I really, really hate clowns.”


End file.
